Retarded Fiction #2) Evolution by means of natural selection is not only implausible, but has never actually been proven.

Really, Stein?

Both of these delicious-looking specimens were originally bred from ferocious wolves.

The next time you see any domesticated animal, fruit, or vegetable, remind yourself that practically everything you see in the produce aisle came about through minute genetic changes sustained over thousands of years.

Here are just a few of the tremendous phenotypic changes that can result from a few thousand years of human-guided artificial selection.

Despite their remarkable dissimilarity to each other, broccoli, kohlrabi, black mustard, brussel sprouts, and swedish turnips were all bred from the same wild ancestral species, Brassica Oleracea– each over the course of mere thousands of years .

Human beings have similarly produced all sorts of genetic monstrosities through artificial selection– cows with udders bulging with gallons of surplus milk, dogs that can fit inside designer purses, ponies that a child can easily mount and ride, bananas with easily transplantable parts, seedless watermelons, 300-kg pumpkins, purple carrots, Frankenfood corn, and much, much more.

Similarly, the environment can act as an unconscious selector, simply because it changes constantly over geological time. Due to the Earth’s precession and variations in the Sun’s radiation output, among other factors, the Earth’s climate is constantly changing– sometimes according to regular cycles, such as the Milankovich cycle , but more often due to irregular climatic cycles, each of which drive constant adaptation on the part of Earth’s organisms.

We know from geological evidence and astronomical evidence that the Earth is much, much older than 6,000 years, which is the figure most commonly cited by Young-Earth Creationists . Due to the gradual motion of tectonic plates over the Asthenosphere, the Earth’s continents have broken apart, collided with each other, and rearranged themselves in countless different ways. Hot spots above the mantle are raising new islands from the seafloor as we speak, creating a plethora of new ecological niches for preexisting organisms from other parts of the world to fulfill.

Hawai’ian island forming off a benthic sea floor.

The Earth’s biosphere is not a constant mechanism that was specially created six thousand years ago by a bearded man in the sky. Just like a farmer breeding healthier strains of wheat or corn, the environment is constantly selecting for certain variables among all of Earth’s organisms, thereby creating an undeniable impetus for evolutionary change. The diagram I posted above demonstrates how easily organisms can gradually alter their appearance and biochemical structure due to the differential survival of their offspring. You don’t need to understand anything about genetics to grasp this basic principle. (And not surprisingly, neither did Charles Darwin.)

STOP, STOP! But wait, what you’re describing is microevolution , not macroevolution . Godless atheists and Evolutionists have proven microevolution , true, but they have never proven macroevolution ! Praise Jesus Chraaaahst Almighty! There truly is an intelligent designer!

You precious little retard. You just wait and watch what I’m about to do to your pathetic arguments, you fucking miserable piece of dessicated Theistard offal, you.

Creationists love to create a false dichotomy between “micro evolution” (small changes sustained over short periods of time) and “macro evolution” (large changes sustained over long periods of time), as if one somehow precludes the existence of the other. This is practically the same as agreeing that yes, 1+1 does = 2, but 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+… etc. will never = 1,000,000.

Speciation events (which typically confirm the viability of so-called “Macroevolution”) have been observed through laboratory experiments performed on microorganisms, plants, fruit flies of the genus Drosophila , and other organisms with relatively short lifespans. Here is just one example:

Rabe and Haufler (1992) found a naturally occurring diploid sporophyte of maidenhair fern which produced unreduced (2N) spores. These spores resulted from a failure of the paired chromosomes to dissociate during the first division of meiosis. The spores germinated normally and grew into diploid gametophytes. These did not appear to produce antheridia. Nonetheless, a subsequent generation of tetraploid sporophytes was produced. When grown in the lab, the tetraploid sporophytes appear to be less vigorous than the normal diploid sporophytes. The 4N individuals were found near Baldwin City, Kansas.

Here is another, this time referring to an experiment performed on Drosophila fruit flies:

Dobzhansky and Pavlovsky (1971) reported a speciation event that occurred in a laboratory culture of Drosophila paulistorum sometime between 1958 and 1963. The culture was descended from a single inseminated female that was captured in the Llanos of Colombia. In 1958 this strain produced fertile hybrids when crossed with conspecifics of different strains from Orinocan. From 1963 onward crosses with Orinocan strains produced only sterile males. Initially no assortative mating or behavioral isolation was seen between the Llanos strain and the Orinocan strains. Later on Dobzhansky produced assortative mating (Dobzhansky 1972).

Talkorigins.org has some more articles demonstrating proof for “Macroevolution”, which include (but are not limited to) transitional forms between animal species, fossil records, molecular evidence, and laboratory experiments.

Yeah, okay, so a fruit fly turned into another fruit fly and a fern turned into another fern. This is still Microevolution, okay!

Mutations are mostly lethal. Artificial selection can’t increase the amount of genetic material in the cell! What about the different chromosome numbers between all of God’s species? This surely didn’t come about through Satanic “evolution”. Praise the Lawd, Glory Hallelujah!

You tongue-speaking imbecile, polyploidy occurs all the time in plant species. If you had spent your high school years actually reading your biology textbook instead of glossing over dumbed-down Creationist literature, you might have gleaned this simple fact by now. Visit Talkorigins.org, and you’ll soon find that there are quite a few peer-reviewed scientific papers confirming its occurrence in lab experiments. Polyploidy also occurs (to a lesser extent) in animals, and it certainly can result an increase in the ability of an organism to survive and reproduce.

Dr. P.Z. Myers (author of the blog Pharyngula ) recently published an excellent post on how chromosome numbers in organisms change over evolutionary time, complete with diagrams simple enough for even the most reason-deprived Theistard in the reddest red state to comprehend.

The Earth is NOT six thousand years old. No matter how slow evolutionary processes may seem on a human timescale, they will inevitably result in remarkable phenotypic changes over the course of millions of years.

Here are some interesting videos posted by a Neuroscience PhD on youtube, debunking some of the most common Creationist misconceptions about evolution:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nnu-O5x_pRU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDFJviGQth4&feature=related

But my grandpaw did NOT come from a mud puddle!

Now, does the evolutionary theory have anything to say about the origin of life on Earth? Of course it doesn’t, but that’s not what Ben Stein claims throughout his crockumentary, and the awful stench of it all is already starting to disable my olfactory nerves.

(to be continued… Stay tuned for an addendum to Part II of my multi-part series debunking Expelled : No Intelligence Allowed : “My grandpaw did NOT come from a mud puddle!”)

This was the rhetorical question I posited when a fellow skeptic asked me what I considered to be my least favorite part of Ben Stein’s new crockumentary, “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed”.

[edit: See if you can find a picture of the Virgin Mary in one of these piles of animal feces! ]

Indeed, the whole film reeks unabashedly of animal excrement. I can scarcely point out which portions ruined my appetite the most, no more than I can segregate the most delectable portions of an acrid mound of donkey manure from the rest of their steaming, malodorous pile.

Just like a pungent heap of animal droppings*, the film fails to demonstrate any redeeming value whatsoever. The camera work looks as if it were conducted by high school students with SONY camcorders. The interviews are awkward, painful to watch, and cringe-worthy from beginning to end. Ben Stein even conducts himself like a simpering ape throughout his entire magnum opus– only a simpering ape could probably demonstrate twice the dignity and three times the charisma Stein musters throughout his film.

As if the film’s shoddy production values weren’t abhorrent enough, Stein manages to unload an even more insidious package of fermenting animal excrement over the brains of his benighted target audience.The scientific “content” of this film is truly despicable, and it would certainly have served as its death-knell were it not for the remarkable scientific ignorance of the American populace.

Stein argues that “Big Science ©,” a faceless bureaucracy that monitors the distribution of scientific funds around the globe, is embroiled in a gigantic conspiracy to marginalize Creationism Intelligent Design and to banish it permanently from public school curricula around the United States.

Throughout Expelled , Stein reiterates the following assertions (and by reiterate , I mean that he pounds them into your fucking skull with all the force of a sledgehammer, and thereby Expells all the neurons out of your brain):

Retarded Fiction #1) “True Scientists” (i.e. Bible-thumping Christards) are being harassed by “Big Science” for advocating the infallible science of Intelligent Design.

Retarded Fiction #2) Evolution by means of natural selection is not only implausible, but has never actually been proven.

Retarded Fiction #3) Darwin’s scientific theories directly led to the creation of Nazism, Communism, Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, and all other social institutions that frighten American hillbillies.

Retarded Fiction #4) The complexity of life not only implies the handiwork of a super-intelligent designer, but also proves his existence.

Retarded Fiction #5) Intelligent Design has absolutely nothing to do with religion! We swear to God! This is because its true scientific assertions are actually, umm… um…. ….

Sonny the chimp says: “I can’t believe I share a common ancestor with this moronic piece of shit!”

Let us tackle these insidiously stupid claims one by one:

Fact #1) The vast majority of “persecution” stories highlighted throughout the film are either grossly exaggerated, or are complete fabrications.

Let’s examine the case of Dr. Richard Sternberg, a scientist who Ben Stein claims to have been “persecuted” for publishing a paper by cdesign proponentsist Stephen C. Meyer in a peer-reviewed science journal.

“I was viewed as an intellectual terrorist for giving Intelligent Design even a modicum of credibility.”

-Dr. Richard von Sternberg

Stein goes on to assert that Sternberg “lost his office”, was “investigated by the police”, and even became the target of “physically, emotionally upset, and anti-Republican” individuals.

The truth of the matter is that Sternberg never lost his job for promoting Intelligent Design. In fact, his employment records show that he resigned from his editorial position six months before he published Meyer’s article, and was never even denied access to his workplace after igniting the controversy mentioned above.

Scientists have had their reputations ruined for committing blunders far more trivial than simply publishing a paper advocating ID. As this science blogger astutely points out, Sternberg was not demoted to the status of a pariah for publishing a non-peer reviewed paper. In fact, Sternberg even had several conservative politicians rooting for his cause, including congressman Mark Souder , whom Stein fawns over several times throughout the film.

Several of Sternberg’s peers even resigned in disgust after noticing his despicable lack of editorial oversight. Even if Intelligent Design were respected by the mainstream scientific community, Sternberg would have still been scrutinized by his peers for failing to follow the rudimentary scientific procedures outlined in the peer-review process .

In conclusion, the loss of Sternberg’s scientific reputation is certainly not the lions-and-catacombs Christian martyrdom scenario depicted in the film. Sternberg earned whatever criticism came his way, and he was treated like a prince compared to thousands of other incompetent scientists before him. As the NCSE points out, biology teachers who teach evolution properly are treated with far greater revulsion and antipathy by Christian zealots. Compare their plight to the piddling criticisms Sternberg received from his peers following his ID fiasco. Dr. Sternberg’s story should illicit hardly any sympathy from my honest, well-educated readers, and neither should the persecution tales of countless cdesign proponentsists before him.

Expelled Exposed debunks most of the other “persecution stories” mentioned throughout the film. It is certainly worth a quick read, especially for those individuals who can mentally revisit the scenes in Expelled without involuntarily emptying the contents of their stomachs.

(to be continued… Stay tuned as the author debunks retarded fictions #2-5.)

*And by the way Stein, I take back my earlier comment. Even animal excrement is good for fertilizing fields, a process that agricultural science has vastly improved over the past two hundred years, much to humanity’s great advantage. Your documentary just smells like shit.