Bruin Alliance of Skeptics and Secularists

[DISCLAIMER: The sentiments expressed by the author do NOT necessarily reflect those of the Bruin Alliance of Skeptics and Secularists or any of her affiliates. Reader discretion is strongly advised.]

This was the rhetorical question I posited when a fellow skeptic asked me what I considered to be my least favorite part of Ben Stein’s new crockumentary, “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed”.

[edit: See if you can find a picture of the Virgin Mary in one of these piles of animal feces! ]

Indeed, the whole film reeks unabashedly of animal excrement. I can scarcely point out which portions ruined my appetite the most, no more than I can segregate the most delectable portions of an acrid mound of donkey manure from the rest of their steaming, malodorous pile.

Just like a pungent heap of animal droppings*, the film fails to demonstrate any redeeming value whatsoever. The camera work looks as if it were conducted by high school students with SONY camcorders. The interviews are awkward, painful to watch, and cringe-worthy from beginning to end. Ben Stein even conducts himself like a simpering ape throughout his entire magnum opus– only a simpering ape could probably demonstrate twice the dignity and three times the charisma Stein musters throughout his film.

As if the film’s shoddy production values weren’t abhorrent enough, Stein manages to unload an even more insidious package of fermenting animal excrement over the brains of his benighted target audience.The scientific “content” of this film is truly despicable, and it would certainly have served as its death-knell were it not for the remarkable scientific ignorance of the American populace.

Stein argues that “Big Science ©,” a faceless bureaucracy that monitors the distribution of scientific funds around the globe, is embroiled in a gigantic conspiracy to marginalize Creationism Intelligent Design and to banish it permanently from public school curricula around the United States.

Throughout Expelled , Stein reiterates the following assertions (and by reiterate , I mean that he pounds them into your fucking skull with all the force of a sledgehammer, and thereby Expells all the neurons out of your brain):

Retarded Fiction #1) “True Scientists” (i.e. Bible-thumping Christards) are being harassed by “Big Science” for advocating the infallible science of Intelligent Design.

Retarded Fiction #2) Evolution by means of natural selection is not only implausible, but has never actually been proven.

Retarded Fiction #3) Darwin’s scientific theories directly led to the creation of Nazism, Communism, Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, and all other social institutions that frighten American hillbillies.

Retarded Fiction #4) The complexity of life not only implies the handiwork of a super-intelligent designer, but also proves his existence.

Retarded Fiction #5) Intelligent Design has absolutely nothing to do with religion! We swear to God! This is because its true scientific assertions are actually, umm… um…. ….

Sonny the chimp says: “I can’t believe I share a common ancestor with this moronic piece of shit!”

Let us tackle these insidiously stupid claims one by one:

Fact #1) The vast majority of “persecution” stories highlighted throughout the film are either grossly exaggerated, or are complete fabrications.

Let’s examine the case of Dr. Richard Sternberg, a scientist who Ben Stein claims to have been “persecuted” for publishing a paper by cdesign proponentsist Stephen C. Meyer in a peer-reviewed science journal.

“I was viewed as an intellectual terrorist for giving Intelligent Design even a modicum of credibility.”

-Dr. Richard von Sternberg

Stein goes on to assert that Sternberg “lost his office”, was “investigated by the police”, and even became the target of “physically, emotionally upset, and anti-Republican” individuals.

The truth of the matter is that Sternberg never lost his job for promoting Intelligent Design. In fact, his employment records show that he resigned from his editorial position six months before he published Meyer’s article, and was never even denied access to his workplace after igniting the controversy mentioned above.

Scientists have had their reputations ruined for committing blunders far more trivial than simply publishing a paper advocating ID. As this science blogger astutely points out, Sternberg was not demoted to the status of a pariah for publishing a non-peer reviewed paper. In fact, Sternberg even had several conservative politicians rooting for his cause, including congressman Mark Souder , whom Stein fawns over several times throughout the film.

Several of Sternberg’s peers even resigned in disgust after noticing his despicable lack of editorial oversight. Even if Intelligent Design were respected by the mainstream scientific community, Sternberg would have still been scrutinized by his peers for failing to follow the rudimentary scientific procedures outlined in the peer-review process .

In conclusion, the loss of Sternberg’s scientific reputation is certainly not the lions-and-catacombs Christian martyrdom scenario depicted in the film. Sternberg earned whatever criticism came his way, and he was treated like a prince compared to thousands of other incompetent scientists before him. As the NCSE points out, biology teachers who teach evolution properly are treated with far greater revulsion and antipathy by Christian zealots. Compare their plight to the piddling criticisms Sternberg received from his peers following his ID fiasco. Dr. Sternberg’s story should illicit hardly any sympathy from my honest, well-educated readers, and neither should the persecution tales of countless cdesign proponentsists before him.

Expelled Exposed debunks most of the other “persecution stories” mentioned throughout the film. It is certainly worth a quick read, especially for those individuals who can mentally revisit the scenes in Expelled without involuntarily emptying the contents of their stomachs.

(to be continued… Stay tuned as the author debunks retarded fictions #2-5.)

*And by the way Stein, I take back my earlier comment. Even animal excrement is good for fertilizing fields, a process that agricultural science has vastly improved over the past two hundred years, much to humanity’s great advantage. Your documentary just smells like shit.

Last 5 posts by Closeted Atheist

• Expelled Part II - "My grandpaw did NOT come from a monkey!" - May 5th, 2008